Pasta, Pizza, Chicken Wings and Ice Cream

My youngest son; Phoenix, has always been a big eater, but the first time we realized that we might have an eating disorder on our hands was when he was 4 yrs old.  One of my wife’s clients owns a nice little 50 seat white table cloth Italian restaurant and invited us all for a meal.  Phoenix ordered for himself and picked a dish of spaghetti from the children’s menu.  When his food was served it looked to me to be approximately 50grm of pasta with a marinara sauce.  Phoenix immediately looked at the bowl and then looked at his mother and me and said in a voice of amazement “Is that all?”  He pleaded for us to order more. His mother and I just laughed it off, we were sure he would be full once the bread and pasta hit his stomached.  Wrong,  he  then asked to order from the adult menu, we agreed to his request again thinking it would be too much food for him and we could have take-a-way to eat the following day;  after all he was only 4 yrs old and not a fat boy, seriously how much could he eat?   His meal arrived and it was a heaping bowl of pasta at least 120 grams, a huge plate of food for a 4yr old especially one that had already eaten.  The little guy picked up his fork and began swirling pasta and before the rest of us were done with our meals he had consumed every last strand of pasta, was licking his bowl and asking for ice cream! 

That single incident is the first time I remember taking notice of Phoenix's appetite.  Now I ask myself what I said or did to influence his behavior.  What is most concerning to me is watching him progressively express deep, heartfelt, emotions and attachments to his food.   When he has a dish of food he really likes, he will encircle his meal with a barrier to prevent anyone from sharing it.    He uses his arm as the blockade; this is the behavior of people who have been incarcerated; claiming and protecting their property.  How and where does this behavior come from?  How does a child raised in a family of abundance, with no shortages of any type become so afraid of loss?  Is this a genetic manifestation, is my son cursed by my genes?  When I am totally honest with myself I am sure that I have played a huge roll in his affection for food. I went off my program when he was around two and he saw me binging on a regular basis, I set the stage for him to associate food with pleasure.

I’m guilty, I admit it, I love food and eating out is a huge part of my social life.  I may work my ass off in the gym and watch what I eat but I don’t think I will ever be able to think of food as just fuel.  Seriously, I am a Fat Man and fat men love their food.  I salivate with anticipation when  I plot my next excursion into culinary delights;  full body burgundy, thick cuts of, Fish, Beef or lamb, pasta, pizza,  goat  cheeses,  olives, sweet melon and paper thin salty ham, Caesar salad,  fresh sea food, espresso, sambuca,  cognac and tiramisu.  Oh yes, three or four hours of dining pleasure with great food and great friends; to me that is good clean living and I cannot think of a better way to spend an evening. 

In retrospect I should be surprised if Phoenix did not associate food with pleasure, I have been a terrible role model in healthy eating habits and life style for most of Phoenix's youth.  Emotional attachment to food is not what I want; I don’t want food to comfort me beyond satisfying my hunger.  I want to be able to trust my judgment and eat whenever I like without fear of binging.  Weight control to me means I must make conscious decisions in regards to my food.  Urges are red flags to me, when I have the impulse to eat; I have to double check to make sure it is in my food plan; there is a battle within me not to binge.

My compulsion to eat and unhealthy attitude towards food led me to explore why I became anchored to food.     I meditated on it and a mental image appeared.  It was a 3 layered German Chocolate cake.  German Chocolate Cake!?  I had not eaten that in more than 35 yrs but that is the food that came to mind and I actually had a feeling of acceptance come over me.  When I was Phoenix's age, I was raised in the daytime by a woman I called” Ma”.   She was an obese woman who worked all day minding her family’s business;   Shopping, cleaning, cooking, and more cooking.   Ma was 1st generation German-American; she was a woman who loved to cook and loved to put meat on my bones.  On my birthday she always made a beautiful German chocolate cake for me, it was an annual ritual, in the evening she and her husband would  drop by my family home and my mom, dad, four sisters  would sing, eat and celebrate my birthday and I felt special.     

German Chocolate cake and those birthdays made me feel safe, and secure.   Occasionally I am triggered by something I see, taste or smell that reminds me of the days I spent in Ma’s kitchen and I feel my heart swell with love.  Ma loved me and she fed me her love which led me to associate food with love and acceptance which also led me down a dysfunctional path of eating disorders.    The good news is, through self exploration I have discovered many of my triggers and why I have an impulse to binge.  This knowledge empowers me to make smart food choices.  From my experience when I stop reacting to the triggers, the impulses to binge become less frequent.  I am 110% convinced that it is my emotional attachment to food that keeps me in this battle with the bulge. In my opinion for lasting success in weight control, it is necessary to eliminate emotion from eating.     

Exploring my inner self gives me the power to be proactive in my behavior; with each discovery my emotional bond is broken.  Breaking the bonds that bind me to food and struggle is my goal.    Phoenix is just turning seven and he already has a personal relationship with food. He is not old enough to understand why.  He is possessive with his chicken wings, pizza, pasta and ice cream and does not want to share.   “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t cut the mustard in situations like this; they hold very little meaning for a son who trusts his dad to show him the way.   Children need to be led by example, my hope is that it is not too late to reverse course and that my family fitness program will undo the damage that has been done.

Ciao,

Geo 

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