Wonder wall

 Oasis 

Today is gonna be the day

That they're gonna throw it back to you

By now you should've somehow

Realized what you gotta do

I don't believe that anybody

Feels the way I do about you now.

In December of 1990, I was 34 yrs old and attended my first self actualization seminar and it change the course of my life forever. The following years have been full of change and exploration. In the beginning many of my friends, family and loved ones questioned my life’s decisions; broken marriage, closed businesses, modest accommodation, and transportation. Gradually I became more isolated, recluse in a vineyards  converted tool shed. I had given up everything that I had believed defined me and now I was alone with only my thoughts and dreams to keep me company. 

In March of 1996 I boarded a Garuda air bus at LAX with a one way ticket to Bali Indonesia. My mind was right, my ship had sailed. I was trading my life of bondage to a life of exploration and adventure. 20+ hours later I  arrived in a new land, with my back packs, guide book and a heart full of faith. 

Over the next few days I discovered a smaller island called Gili Trawangan, it’s total land mass is less than 6 sq miles. GT offered white sand beaches, crystal clear blue water, coral reef, and cool sea breezes As I lay basking in the warm sunshine, I felt validated. Finally my dream was becoming a reality and I wished the people who thought they knew me could understand why I chose to change.  

Reality is harsh, I had a skint amount of cash and I did not know how I would survive. I only had faith and a desire to stay on this amazing journey.  I embraced the belief that I can be who I choose to be and I can love and understand me more than anyone else. The song Wonder Wall speakers to me. 

My message today is dream your dreams, be fearless and walk in faith.

Slow down and make the moment last

 Last night I was enjoying my L&G meal. Knowing it is my only whole food meal in my day,  I consciously made an effort to savor each bite which resulted in placing my fork on the plate while I chewed all the flavors I could savor from each morsel. 

As I reached yo replenish  my fork, the image of the flat wear resting on a plate full of food, struck me odd. I wondered when was the last time I slowed down and truly enjoy all the flavors of my food? I honestly don’t remember when or why I began racing through my meals as if I was being timed with a stop watch but somewhere in my youth the seed to rush through meals and move on to other activities was planted. 

In my circle of friends inviting one another out for a meal is common practice and we all seem to eat at the same pace. I can think of only two exceptions; an Italian family where having an evening meal will be hours of consuming multiple courses of food and many types of beverage. Ciao Vito and Belinda I love you. The other exception to the norm is a soft spoken, well educated gentleman named Ray.  He stands tall at 6’3”, is slight in build, weighing in at a maximum of 175lb and he has to be the slowest eater I have ever known! Typically I’m ordering dessert while he is still forking his salad. To exasperate this situation Ray will order appetizers, main dish, sides and dessert!  The rest of us laugh about how awkward it is to sit and watch Ray finish his meal as he methodically masticates his greens and leans.  

I had an occasion to ask him about his prolonged eating habit and if he actually chewed each bite 60 times? I was surprised by his answer. Ray acknowledged that he is a slow eater and that chewing his food thoroughly is good for his digestive system but another reason he savored his meals was because the Biblical taught him to.  This information regarding the Bible was news to me so i looked it up and sure enough there is an interpretation of Joshua1:8 in the new international version bible that references chewing food and contemplation. 

I’m not known as a religious man however I am spiritual and if seeing an empty fork resting on a full plate of food is Gods way of telling me to keep meditating about what I nourish myself with then I’ll happily accept and hear that message. 

Jelly Belly

 Where,What,When,why and How.

Fat Man in Paradise (FMP) has been down this road before. I dropped more than 100lb and I’ve managed to keep 50lb of that off for more than a decade. FMP never reached the target weight so I’m undertaking this final journey which in many ways is a road less traveled.  

Living fat is more than what a scale reads. Different cultures view fatness  differently. In a part of Africa “FAT” 

is viewed as beautiful and slim girls are force fed gourds of milk before their weddings to become obese beautiful brides.  As a child i loved playing in the summer heat, shirtless until the chant of Jelly Belly from neighborhood kids caused me to become embarrassed and self conscious. When i was 39 yrs old weighing 285lb part of my program was walking and jogging through villages in Bali. the locals would stop what they were doing to point fingers and yell big man, big belly. In Thailand being thin is associated with prosperity consequently it is common to hear people calling each other fat over the slightest weight gain. It takes a tough mindedness to live Fat. shaming is real, the hurt is painful, the emotional baggage is heavy. 

I opened “the your life book “ that came with this program. I turned to the introduction where I saw two blank pages and in an instant I had an epiphany. This will be my last shot. I’m too old to do this again and with that realization I became inspired. I put pen to paper and thoughts flowed. I was writing my bucket list. I could see clearly in my minds eye exactly who I want to become, what I want to do and how I will accomplish my goals. I saw where I want to go and what I want to do and be. I was writing my future and my ending. I was compelled to write my Declaration of Independence and take ownership of my dreams and ambitions. I reclaimed my purpose of life. 

We are all blessed with the opportunity to choose our  life’s path and it all begins with the first step. 

I want to love my body with the unconditional love I felt when I was perfect and fresh from the womb. I will never allow myself to be embarrassed by my body. I will always love myself and stay connected  with the happy shirtless kid also known as jelly belly. 

The ultimate Tweak

 Today is my official start day.  Photos and food is the order of business today. I am pleasantly surprised with how satisfying the powdered drink is and the lemon zest bar was delicious. I followed that with a small bag of jalapeños flavored puff ball. I went off program when I lost track of time while I prepped  my first lean and green meal so I ate a power bar and am watching the clock until I enjoy my first Lean and Green creation; air fried chicken breast rolls stuffed with an almond, balsamic vinegar, garlic, mayo, siracha paste. Steamed Shrimp with steamed broccoli, cauliflower, red, and yellow bell peppers. It was delicious and filling.

Embracing my best being

 My thoughts go to where I want to be rather than how I will arrive. Fat Man in Paradise has made this trip several times before; it is not the road less traveled for me however this time my desire is to connect with my most perfect physical self and nurture that inner being until I transition into Thin Man in Paradise and this is the question. Am I able to change the paradigm that has served me and created my personality.  How do I create change within my core belief system and know how to be me? Who am I? How will I know when I have met the inner spirit I am searching for? I understand this is metaphysical and logic tells me, I am who I am yet that is not satisfying my thirst for clarity.