Pasta, Pizza, Chicken Wings and Ice Cream

My youngest son; Phoenix, has always been a big eater, but the first time we realized that we might have an eating disorder on our hands was when he was 4 yrs old.  One of my wife’s clients owns a nice little 50 seat white table cloth Italian restaurant and invited us all for a meal.  Phoenix ordered for himself and picked a dish of spaghetti from the children’s menu.  When his food was served it looked to me to be approximately 50grm of pasta with a marinara sauce.  Phoenix immediately looked at the bowl and then looked at his mother and me and said in a voice of amazement “Is that all?”  He pleaded for us to order more. His mother and I just laughed it off, we were sure he would be full once the bread and pasta hit his stomached.  Wrong,  he  then asked to order from the adult menu, we agreed to his request again thinking it would be too much food for him and we could have take-a-way to eat the following day;  after all he was only 4 yrs old and not a fat boy, seriously how much could he eat?   His meal arrived and it was a heaping bowl of pasta at least 120 grams, a huge plate of food for a 4yr old especially one that had already eaten.  The little guy picked up his fork and began swirling pasta and before the rest of us were done with our meals he had consumed every last strand of pasta, was licking his bowl and asking for ice cream! 

That single incident is the first time I remember taking notice of Phoenix's appetite.  Now I ask myself what I said or did to influence his behavior.  What is most concerning to me is watching him progressively express deep, heartfelt, emotions and attachments to his food.   When he has a dish of food he really likes, he will encircle his meal with a barrier to prevent anyone from sharing it.    He uses his arm as the blockade; this is the behavior of people who have been incarcerated; claiming and protecting their property.  How and where does this behavior come from?  How does a child raised in a family of abundance, with no shortages of any type become so afraid of loss?  Is this a genetic manifestation, is my son cursed by my genes?  When I am totally honest with myself I am sure that I have played a huge roll in his affection for food. I went off my program when he was around two and he saw me binging on a regular basis, I set the stage for him to associate food with pleasure.

I’m guilty, I admit it, I love food and eating out is a huge part of my social life.  I may work my ass off in the gym and watch what I eat but I don’t think I will ever be able to think of food as just fuel.  Seriously, I am a Fat Man and fat men love their food.  I salivate with anticipation when  I plot my next excursion into culinary delights;  full body burgundy, thick cuts of, Fish, Beef or lamb, pasta, pizza,  goat  cheeses,  olives, sweet melon and paper thin salty ham, Caesar salad,  fresh sea food, espresso, sambuca,  cognac and tiramisu.  Oh yes, three or four hours of dining pleasure with great food and great friends; to me that is good clean living and I cannot think of a better way to spend an evening. 

In retrospect I should be surprised if Phoenix did not associate food with pleasure, I have been a terrible role model in healthy eating habits and life style for most of Phoenix's youth.  Emotional attachment to food is not what I want; I don’t want food to comfort me beyond satisfying my hunger.  I want to be able to trust my judgment and eat whenever I like without fear of binging.  Weight control to me means I must make conscious decisions in regards to my food.  Urges are red flags to me, when I have the impulse to eat; I have to double check to make sure it is in my food plan; there is a battle within me not to binge.

My compulsion to eat and unhealthy attitude towards food led me to explore why I became anchored to food.     I meditated on it and a mental image appeared.  It was a 3 layered German Chocolate cake.  German Chocolate Cake!?  I had not eaten that in more than 35 yrs but that is the food that came to mind and I actually had a feeling of acceptance come over me.  When I was Phoenix's age, I was raised in the daytime by a woman I called” Ma”.   She was an obese woman who worked all day minding her family’s business;   Shopping, cleaning, cooking, and more cooking.   Ma was 1st generation German-American; she was a woman who loved to cook and loved to put meat on my bones.  On my birthday she always made a beautiful German chocolate cake for me, it was an annual ritual, in the evening she and her husband would  drop by my family home and my mom, dad, four sisters  would sing, eat and celebrate my birthday and I felt special.     

German Chocolate cake and those birthdays made me feel safe, and secure.   Occasionally I am triggered by something I see, taste or smell that reminds me of the days I spent in Ma’s kitchen and I feel my heart swell with love.  Ma loved me and she fed me her love which led me to associate food with love and acceptance which also led me down a dysfunctional path of eating disorders.    The good news is, through self exploration I have discovered many of my triggers and why I have an impulse to binge.  This knowledge empowers me to make smart food choices.  From my experience when I stop reacting to the triggers, the impulses to binge become less frequent.  I am 110% convinced that it is my emotional attachment to food that keeps me in this battle with the bulge. In my opinion for lasting success in weight control, it is necessary to eliminate emotion from eating.     

Exploring my inner self gives me the power to be proactive in my behavior; with each discovery my emotional bond is broken.  Breaking the bonds that bind me to food and struggle is my goal.    Phoenix is just turning seven and he already has a personal relationship with food. He is not old enough to understand why.  He is possessive with his chicken wings, pizza, pasta and ice cream and does not want to share.   “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t cut the mustard in situations like this; they hold very little meaning for a son who trusts his dad to show him the way.   Children need to be led by example, my hope is that it is not too late to reverse course and that my family fitness program will undo the damage that has been done.

Ciao,

Geo 

 If you have something to share please post it the comment section.  

Searching for the man I have yet to meet

Who am I? Am I who I think I am or who I say I am? What defines me? The things I do or the labels I’m given?

For more than a quarter century I have made several attempts to identify myself, and lived many lives in the process. the initial explorative period started in my late teens and ran the better part of 15 yrs, I call this my Chameleon phase of life, during that time I wore so many different masks that in the end I had no idea who I had become, but I did know I did not like what I saw. My 30’s brought in a new era called SAGE; self actualization and growth exploration, this opened the door to a new way of living. I cleansed my soul and I became aware of what was truly important to me. Many of my principles in living a productive, happy and fulfilling life came from the SAGE period. Where the transition from Chameleon to SAGE was an abrupt and disruptive change in my life’s journey the bridge from SAGE to the current midlife phase has been more of a smooth dove tail into the unknown trails to peace, harmony and self fulfillment.

Who am I? Am I the boy I was raised to be? There is no guaranteed hand book for parenting and as much as all parents love their children they indoctrinate them to see the world the same as themselves, evolution dictates change and with time attitudes change consequently what was good for our parents may not be good for us.

When I retrace my steps to childhood I am able to discover many of the influences that shaped my view of the world around me and how I behave within it. During these exercises in self discovery I am able to reframe my thinking and select or delete any programs I was given during my formative years that have become out dated and no longer serve me.

Who am I? Am I living by a label? It seems to me that today particularly in the USA that people tend to make rapid assessment of others by job titles as if the label explains all there is to know about the person. The process is fast and time saving; introduction / label and all is understood.

A typical social encounter may go something like this;

Bob: “Nice to meet you my name is Bob and yours?”

Gwenn: “I’m Gwenn, nice to meet you.”

Bob: “Gwenn what do you do?”

Gwenn: “I’m a Doctor”

Bob: “Hmm that must be very interesting.”

Gwenn: “How about you Bob, what line of work are you in?”

Bob: “I’m a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman”

Gwenn: (quiet) “Well I think I see some friends over there, it was very nice meeting you and good luck with that.”

This meeting probably takes less than 3 minutes yet both parties walk away believing they know the other person simply by learning what line of work they are in. Labels are not the know all to anything when it comes to who a person is, they may tell us what a person does but labels do not tell me who I am.

Life and living is all about choice, I have the right to choose who we want to be and I have the choice to be the person I want to be. I can be happy or sad. I can be fit or fat, it is my choice. It is the choices that I have made throughout my life that has led me to where I am today. Some of these choices were conscious decisions and others were not. Right or wrong, good or bad is all a matter of perception and in the end it was my choice and my doing.

Who am I? I am a combination of the programs I have been taught, the consequences of the judgments I have made, and the choices I choose. I am who I am, I am evolving into the man I have yet to meet and at present I am a Fat Man in paradise.

I am a Fat Man

I am a fat man and I have been fighting my weight since I was a child. I came into this world fat, when I was a toddler I was a “fat boy”, as an adolescent “husky” and pre teen “chubby”.  When the teen years came I was  “big” and as an adult the names became more harsh such as “big belly,””jelly belly”, “Fat Ass” and “obese”.  With every victory in the battle of the bulge there are losses and with every loss there is victory.

“I am a Fat Man” is my mantra.  Reversal of fortune is the result of denying the obvious.  As a fat man I cannot behave the same way as people who have no eating disorder.   Eating disorders are threatening, they threaten my health, fitness, well being and joy in life.  As a life time Fat man who truly understands what it is to be  in the battle of the bulge, I invite you to follow Geo’s family fitness program as I make my journey to ultimate health and fitness, I will share my weekly results, routines, nutrition, food menu, recipes, and training videos.

My view of being healthy is defined in being fit and agile.  When I am able to do and go to all the places that I dream of going, having all the fun I want to have, I am healthy, happy and fit.
I am a Fat Man and I am in the midst of a journey to self discovery and physical well being.  I have learned to find joy in movement which has resulted in my weight dropping from 153kg to 97kg.  I have rejuvenated and rehabilitated my body to new levels of agility and strength.  I jog, run, swim, lift weight, do pushups, pulls ups, sit ups, dips, and squats, for 3 to 5 hrs a session and recover over night to repeat the process daily.  I am 55 yrs old and have never had the overall fitness and health I have today.

To me being healthy and fit means; I am agile enough to walk long distances 5 to 10 miles, climb 150 stairs, sit for long periods of time 5 to 24 hrs, and go sleepless for 24 hrs without severe fatigue setting in.   Health, happiness and fitness have little to do with weight scales, dieting, struggle, and pain.  Being fit and healthy is a life choice.  I choose to have a lifestyle clearly directed by conscious thought and being happy is me knowing what I want from myself and discovering what I am willing and able to do to achieve my goals.

Everyone is different when it comes to weight loss in the battle of the bulge.  What works for one person may yield no measurable results for another. Consequently, Geo’s Family Fitness blog is a forum that offers a question and answer feature, all letters will be reviewed and read by highly qualified medical professionals, nutritionist and the Geo’s family fitness advisory board. Topics such as Family Health, nutrition, training, routines, food menus and recipes are just a sample of what will be discussed. I invite you to participate in Geo’s Family Fitness Blog, share it with your friends and family, discuss your own issues and joy me on my journey. 

Get healthy and fit if you are not, stay healthy and fit if you are.

Ciao,

Geo